James Potter's Not Allowed To Do List
by brick-red-wall
Summary: Things James Potter is not allowed to do. Because he doesn't want to, or because of the consequences, that's a whole different story.
1. The First 25

**(A/N: So my friend told me, "You haven't posted anything in awhile!" So here I am, just for her, posting this . . . story. It's dedicated to her, too! And if you all are so happy that I have finally put out something new, you can thank her. Do it! Check her out! callernumber16onz100. She's got some really funny stories. And review one of them, tell her what you think, and thank her for making me post! Now, to cut the rambling, this was going to be a one-shot, but I decided to make it more. It's basically a list of things James Potter is not allowed to do, as you (may) have inferred from the title. I just don't have all the things I want, so I am going to make it multi-chapter. And yes, I probably should be working on the next chapter of _What a Summer, _but SOMEBODY (coughcallernumber16onz100cough) hasn't returned the piece of paper I lent her to type up the last one, sooooo . . . Here it is!)**

The First 25 Things James Potter Isn't Allowed to Do

I am not allowed to throw Sirius's overly smelly cologne out the bathroom window

I am not allowed to flirt with Professor McGonagall, for even though the class would find it funny, it would land me a detention or to and a long lecture.

I am not allowed to hex Slytherins for being Slytherin.

I am not allowed to snog the most beautiful Lily Evans senseless, because it would get me slapped.

I am not allowed to snog said Lily senseless in front of the whole school during breakfast. (The slap would be harder.)

I am not allowed to throw books at Remus, or at anyone for that matter, in front of Remus.

I am not allowed to burst out into Christmas carols at the Leaving Feast, because it is the wrong time of year, and I have no musical talent.

I am not allowed to snap my glasses in half.

I am not allowed to fill the 7th year boy's dormitory with full shampoo bottles and step -by -step instructions for Snivellus Snape and his overly greasy hair.

I am not allowed to put Lily Evans under the Imperius Curse and make her go out with me, because being in Azkaban would not help along the process of wooing her.

I am not allowed to charm Professor Flitwick's wand to fly above his head every time he touches it, so he can't reach it.

I am not allowed to take a polyjuice potion and fire that mental divination professor while pretending to be Dumbledore, though I have thought about it.

I am not allowed to walk into the Head's bathroom while Lily is taking a shower.

I am not allowed to carve **JP+LE** on every single table and desk I sit at, because that is vandalism and vandalism is not nice to the tables and desks.

I am not allowed to cheat on my N.E.W.T.'s because that wouldn't be fair.

I am not allowed to tell the whole school about Remus's "furry little problem."

I am not allowed to skive off Quidditch practice to snog Lily Evans (or at least try to convince her to snog) because my team needs me and I scheduled the practice in the first place.

I am not allowed to spike Regulus Black's pumpkin juice with Ogden's Old Firewhiskey so he gets drunk and gets a detention.

I am not allowed to tell older women that I am a dragon tamer in Romania so they will go out with me.

I am not allowed to tell Professor Binns that he is boring

I am not allowed to chew gum during Prefect Meetings and not offer some to the Prefects and Lily.

I am not allowed to call Peter a stalker, because that would be hypocritical.

I am not allowed to read other people's mail

I am not allowed to fill out my Auror application during class.

I am not allowed to push Slytherins in the lake.

**(A/N: So here it is! The first chapter of this fic. Most of the chapters will be about 25 things, so . . . If you have any suggestions for things that he's not allowed to do, please tell. It would be very appreciated. I hope you liked it, and I hope even more that you will review! Please!)**


	2. The Second 25

**(A/N: I'm back! Another chapter! I almost had an early life crisis! I thought my mom had thrown out my full list of ideas, when she hadn't, but it turns out I didn't need it anyway, because I had my ideas on a pad, and I still had #26 up on the pad . . . And then my brother read my list! I was mortified. I think that was the first time I had ever blushed hard enough to be able to feel it! I'm over it now, gladly. And someone asked, I am too lazy to go check who, if Lily and James were going out, and there's really no way to say, if you want them to be, they are, and if you don't, then they're not, 'cos this list is really things that James's done that he got in trouble for (though some things he hasn't done, but just knows he shouldn't). And thanks to callernumber16onz100 (boy, does she pop up a lot) for helping me get the last idea, after many tries telling me things like those I already had, and for beta-ing this chappie. Hope you like this chapter. Please R&R!) **

The Second 25 Things on The List

I am not allowed to try and sniff Lily Evans' hair, even after she has used her wonderful smelling strawberry shampoo.

I am not allowed to use my invisibility cloak to scare Peter because it makes him wet himself.

I am not allowed to go into girls' bathrooms, or dormitories for that matter, because it's an invasion of their privacy.

I am not allowed to tell Professor McGonagall that I hate Transfiguration because that would be lying, and everyone knows that you never tell a teacher that you don't like the subject they teach.

I am not allowed to dye all of all of the Marauders' (besides mine) clothes pink, and then their hair orange,

I am not allowed to run around the castle nude, because, apparently, running around in public nude is against the law.

I am not allowed to go outside during a thunderstorm, especially after curfew.

I am not allowed to convince Peter to become a drag queen.

I am not allowed to cut Sirius's hair, because he'll beat me up or ignore me for weeks.

I am not allowed to steal Lily's diary and read it to the whole Gryffindor common room, or read it at all.

I am not allowed to take away Remus's 'never ending' supply of Honeydukes Specialty Chocolate.

I am not allowed to cheat on a Quidditch game because it is against my morals.

I am not allowed to hang Amos Diggory's underwear from the ceiling just because he went out with Lily in 4th year, because I am trying to stay on good terms with him so we don't get into another fight.

I am not allowed to snog the giant squid (that's Lily's job).

I am not allowed to fill Lily's book-bag with frogspawn.

I am not allowed to turn Peter into a teacup while he's in his rat form.

I am not allowed to knock down bookshelves in the library just to see Pince's (and Lily's) reaction.

I am not allowed to try and see Lily Evans's underwear.

I am not allowed to blackmail Moony to do my homework for a month (though I can do it for just an essay or two).

I am not allowed to name my son (if I ever have one) Ashley.

I am not allowed to become an illegal, underage animagus.

I am not allowed to defend Lily when the Slytherins call her a you-know-what, because then she'll yell at me and say she doesn't need a bodyguard.

I am not allowed to piss on my favorite armchair in the common room so no one sits on it but me.

I am not allowed to show this list to ANYONE because I will be either laughed at or turned in.

I am not allowed to imagine sexual scenes involving me and Lily Evans, because I knows I'll just end up moaning out loud (or something to that extent equally embarrassing) and everyone will know.

**There. Finally. Please Review.**


	3. The Drag Queen

**A new chapter. A different idea. Just because I couldn't think up another 25 things and I wanted to update. I decided that if 3 people say they like a thing, then I'll do a chapter on it, even though only 2 people liked this one... I hope you like it. **

––––

**The Drag Queen**

----

_33. I am not allowed to convince Peter to become a drag queen._

It all started one day in 3rd year. Remus was reading a book. And in the book was a man who was, to put it simply, a drag queen.

This man did many funny things, at which Remus laughed, because, well, he found them funny.

At one point, the Marauders (minus Peter, who at the moment of our story, had gone to the bathroom) where in the common room and Remus was reading his book. He laughed at a funny thing the drag queen did. James and Sirius, being James and Sirius, wanted to know what he was laughing at. So he told them all about the drag queen and the funny thing he had done at the point in the book that Remus was at and laughing at.

And then Peter came back from the bathroom.

"Hey! Peter!" James cried to Peter who was at the portrait hole, on the other side of the common room. "Get over here quick!"

Peter rushed over.

"What's happening that makes me needed so?" Peter asked when he reached his friends.

James smirked. "Have you heard of a drag queen?"

"No . . . should I have?" Peter asked hesitantly.

"No, that's okay. We can explain it to you." James said. "A drag queen is someone, normally a mam, who dresses up as someone of the opposite gender for fun. It's really cool."

Sirius and Remus snickered. Peter looked at them suspiciously.

Both of them instantly began to whistle and twiddle their thumbs as if they had not been doing anything.

Peter did not look convinced, but looked back at James anyway, willing for him to continue.

"Maybe you ought to try it some time. For kicks," James suggested.

Peter raised an eyebrow at him. "Will you do it with me? I mean, if it's so cool, you guys must wanna do it to. Just for kicks."

Sirius and Remus laughed. "Busted!" Sirius exclaimed.

James scowled. "You two are supposed to be supportive," he complained.

"We never agreed to anything. And we thought it was funny how Peter schooled you. We're allowed to laugh," Remus replied.

James glared and stomped away leaving Remus, Sirius, and Peter laughing in the common room.

----

**Right. So 'just for kicks' I wrote this. There may be more chapters like this, I don't know. But the next chapter is coming up soon, which is another list (sorry, for those who really liked the way this chapter was) and I hope you guys like it as much as you seem to have like the other ones. And thanks everyone who has ever reviewed and still likes this enough to read. And review again. And review anyway even if you have never reviewed!**


End file.
